Nah.... Not this time!

 

We all have our cycles: the midnight snack that turns into a feast, the retail therapy that leaves us with both empty wallets and hearts, the toxic relationship we keep revisiting like a broken record. These patterns become so familiar that breaking free feels like trying to escape gravity itself. We orbit around them, pulled by the force of comfort in the very discomfort we're trying to leave behind.

But change doesn't always announce itself with fanfare. Sometimes, it arrives in a simple moment of clarity, a quiet "nah" that holds more power than a thousand motivational speeches. It's the moment when I finally saw the cycle for what it was – not a part of my identity, but a habit waiting to be broken.

It always starts the same way. That familiar pull, like muscle memory guiding my hand to the same old habits. The whispered justifications begin their well-worn dance in my mind: "Just this once," "It's not that bad," "I deserve this." But today, something different happened. Today, a new voice emerged from somewhere deeper, somewhere more authentic: “Nah... Not this time!”

"Not this time" isn't some clean, Instagram-worthy declaration. It's messy. My hands might shake. My mind might scream. My body might physically ache for what i am denying it. But this time, something is different. This time, i am tired enough, hurt enough, or maybe just awake enough to mean it.

So here's to all the moments when we catch ourselves at the edge of old patterns and find the strength to turn away. Here's to the quiet revolution of "Nah... Not this time!" – Four words that today reminded the potential for change, and that sometimes, transformation starts with refusal. 

Cheers to all the "Not this time" moments that saved us.

X.o.X.o 🌸

T.F.S

CHRONIQUES D'UNE RÉUSSITE MAUDITE

 

Dans les couloirs feutrés de l’Université de Bordeaux, sur les bancs prestigieux de la Sorbonne, au cœur des amphithéâtres de Dschang ... J'ai poursuivi un fantôme. Celui du bonheur parfait.

Imaginez un instant. Diplômes des meilleures universités accrochés aux murs, CV qui fait rêver, carrière internationale... Le genre de parcours qui fait briller les yeux des autres. « Elle a tout réussi », murmurent-ils. Si seulement ils savaient !

Il y a quelques jours, assise dans mon bureau avec vue sur le quartier le plus prestigieux de la capitale, j'ai eu cette épiphanie. Une réalisation aussi brutale qu'une gifle : peu importe les lignes ajoutées à mon CV, les zéros sur mon compte en banque, ou les félicitations reçues, le vide persiste. Comme un trou noir qui absorbe chaque accomplissement sans jamais se remplir.

L’Université de Dschang m'a appris à analyser des cas complexes, mais pas à décrypter le paradoxe de ma propre existence. Bordeaux m'a enseigné les plus grandes théories, mais pas la formule du contentement. La Sorbonne m'a initiée à la philosophie, sans pour autant m'apprendre à philosopher sur mon propre bonheur.

J'ai gravi tous les échelons de l'excellence académique comme on gravit l'Everest pour découvrir qu'au sommet, l'air est peut-être trop rare pour respirer.

Dans les dîners mondains, je souris poliment quand on me demande le secret de ma réussite. Si seulement je pouvais leur dire que chaque « accomplissement » n'a fait qu'ajouter une nouvelle pièce à ce théâtre de l'absurde.

Paris, New-York, Genève, Monaco ... J'ai traversé les continents, collectionné les diplômes avec à chaque fois, la même promesse silencieuse: Le prochain sera le bon!

Mais voilà le plus cruel des paradoxes : plus j'accumule les succès, plus le vide s'intensifie. Comme si chaque nouvelle réussite ne faisait que souligner l'absence de ce je-ne-sais-quoi que tous ces diplômes étaient censés m'apporter.

Aujourd'hui, je réalise que peut-être, la vraie réussite n'est pas dans l'accumulation frénétique de succès. Peut-être se cache-t-elle dans ces petits moments que j'ai sacrifiés sur l'autel de l'excellence. Ces instants de pure existence que j'ai négligés, trop occupée à courir après le prochain diplôme, le prochain poste, la prochaine validation.

Et si la plus grande leçon de toutes ces années d'études n'était pas dans les livres ? Je n'ai pas encore toutes les réponses. Peut-être que je ne les aurai jamais. Mais pour la première fois, je commence à me demander si la vraie richesse n'est pas dans les questions elles-mêmes.

Durant mon habituelle ronde sur Tiktok, je suis tombée sur une vidéo d’André Comte-Sponville qui disait : « Tant que je n’aime et ne désire que ce qui me manque, je n’aime et ne désire que ce que je n’ai pas, je n’ai donc jamais ce que je désire, je ne suis donc jamais heureux ».

Exemples: 1. L’agrégation ne peut faire que le bonheur de quelqu’un qui n’est pas agrégé, mais, l’agrégation ne fait pas son bonheur puisqu’il n’a pas l’agrégation et qu’il la désire parce qu’elle lui manque. Et elle ne fait non plus le bonheur de l’agrégé car il l’a déjà obtenu. En conséquence l’agrégation ne manque plus à l’agrégé, ce qui le rend incapable de la désirer  ou de l’aimer.

                 2.  Le chômeur qui sort de 18 mois de galère et qui finit par avoir un CDI bien rémunéré. Le problème c’est que depuis qu’il a été embauche, le travail ne lui manque plus, il en a même en grande quantité et il commence rapidement à s’ennuyer. Parce que si le désir est manque, des lors que le travail ne lui manque plus, il ne désire plus travailler.

Souffrance parce que je désire ce que je n’ai pas et je souffre de ce manque, ennui parce que j’ai ce que des lors je ne désire plus. Souffrance du chômeur, ennui du travailleur, souffrance du chagrin d’amour ennui du couple.

Au fond le secret de la santé psychique serait alors d’accepter le réel tel qu’il est, non pas pour se résigner mais parce que c’est la seule façon de le transformer. Peut-être que la rédemption n’est pas dans la réalisation de ses désirs mais dans l’illusion qu’ils nous apporterons la paix.

J’aimerais bien terminer sur une note héroïque, mais à vrai dire je suis encore plus perdue que vous tous. Je n’y suis pas encore arrivée.

Peut-être que Georges Bernard Shaw avait raison: « Il y’a 2 catastrophes dans l’existence : la 1ere c’est quand nos désirs ne sont pas satisfaits, la seconde c’est quand nos désirs sont satisfaits ».

Excellente semaine mes gens.

X.o.X.o 🌸

 

 

STRANGE AND UNUSUAL

In an article titled: " The weird wisdom of Beetlejuice", @thisisthetake touches the subject of death, grief. 

Three years ago,who could've known I would've lost my sibling? 

As Lydia Deetz would probably say... Life is strange and unusual. 

But I did! 

I despise touching this can of worms, let alone opening it, but today had to be that day! I had to talk about it!

That gut wrenching news you get that blindsides you in the middle of the day on a tuesday afternoon. Well... For me it was a Friday morning at 8 am to be precise. My worst fear became real and nobody couldn't do a damn thing about it!

Joyful, blissful, happy, amicable Bobo was gone. 

For people who know me personally, my brother was my everything but I strangely feel I still have something even after he's gone. 

In the midst of all this mess I remember that article, that video. 

In Beetlejuice, the Maitland who planned on having kids are now forced to deal with their prematured death and the arrival of the Deetz in their new home. They try to scare them but they are too "good" of ghosts so they hire Beetlejuice who is a professional!

But by the time he could do his job, they are already attached to Lydia Deetz who is the only child of the new family.🤦🏾‍♀️

This is the chance if their life or... death and they are not going to fumble it! 📌

The movie ends ends joyful note of the Maitland dancing with Lydia and other ghosts. For 

@suzamaphony of @thisisthetake : " We shouldn't fight what's calling us because we think we know what's best for us, if we open up to what could be out there we might be pleasantly surprised by all life and the great beyond have to offer".

I don't know where my brother is or if he has read " The book of the recently deceased", but what I know is I wish him a safe journey. . For him, you and me my friends. 

Maybe all of this is part of the plan; it's at least part of mine anyway.. And guess what? I HAVE to deal with it! 

Happy new week people!

X.o.X.o 🌸

SOMETIMES THE BEST WAY TO WIN A FIGHT IS BY NOT ENGAGING!

Photo credit: IMDb

Photo credit: TFS 🌸

In the second episode of season 5 of Angel entitled: "Just rewards" Spike had to collaborate with Angel to get rid of the necromancer. 

For those who don't know, necromancers are dark magic masters. They practice the art of communicating with the dead, especially in order to predict the future or gather informations about someone's death of faith. 

Other than @jamesmarstersof giving us a masterpiece performance this episode is the epitome of the saying.

Angel who is now ahead of Wolfram & Hart wants to stop all neferious activities the law firm has encouraged and covered during the years, so he sends one of his employee to ask Magnus Hainsley, the necromancer, to cease all his diggings. Needless to say, the employee returns in a bucket, yes a bucket! 

The boss now having to do the dirty work decide to pay a visit to Hainsley with Spike. After multiple fist fights, Angel, for the first time, has to come to the conclusion that all this is a waste of time! He freezes Hainsley accounts leaving the necromancer broke! 😚Which left Spike speechless! Because how does such a powerful vampire has to go through the law to win a fight? But Hainsley was defeated!

What that episode taught me was that, there is no REAL way to win a fight! The lesser tired it makes you on the long run the more lucky you get to win it!

So, sometimes when you find yourself at a dead end, the best way to fight is the UNCONVENTIONAL way! 

X.oX.o 🌸

MARIAGE GOT THE BEST OF US💍

Yes, I said mariage. 

It's a topic I never discuss because of its absolute fame and and reign on african communities. 

As I was working towards the 19000th thousand way to achieve my ultimate bad body, I taught about how beautiful women look in their wedding dresses and all the pressure put of themselves to achieve that glow. 

The ones who never step a foot in the gym start jumping jacks, and fleeping cart wheels, the ones that never scrub their bodies develop a sisterhood with a foreign beautician they have to travel miles away to meet because it's a ✨ secret ✨, the ones who never do facials start religiously following the dermatologist appointments so on and so forth!

But what always rubbed me the wrong way was the famous... What after? 

What happens after the wedding... Well... The gym membership is cancelled or eventually never thought about again, the beautician becomes a stranger, the dermatologist is now a foreign specialist that we one saw. Is he in practice again? Dr who? Ohh yeah I saw him once!

Now,

what if we didn't wait for a wedding? 

What if we didn't leave our lives into the hands of an uncertain event? 

What if we worked our asses of at the gym like tomorrow they will meet the aisles? 

What if we actually kept in touch with the beautician?

What if we bought donuts to the derm for our biannual check?

As we are approaching the middle of the year what if we were simply our best?.Just because 🤷🏾‍♀️.. Just for a try? ...

HAPPEN DEY NOTHING

In 2005, Maccollins Chidebe lunched one of the movie that would litteraly change the dynamic of how our family will interact on our free-time.

Oooh yes!

At that time, the nigerian movie industry was still embryonic and social media was not a thing yet. 

Fast foward 3 years from then, the cameroonian market was flooded with bootleg DVD's of foreign movies, nigerian ones; Nollywood was gaining ground.

My mom was the typical african mom; let's say she never came home empty-handed, fortunately😆. So, when she decided to buy that one CD, we didn't pay much attention only to find out on a good wednesday, a rare occasion when my brother and i were allowed to watch TV what we had gotten ourselves into. 

The movie was named *Accross the bridge* in reference to the journey the protagonists will have to take to go to a small village in quest of money. They indeed needed to cross a bridge.

Starring Jerry Amilo ( Eddy), Emeka Enyocha( Emecka) ,Rita-Tony Edochie (Eddy's mom) and the great Nonso Diobi (Ndozie).

Ndozie was Eddy's friend he left when going to Europe where he met Emecka. 

He came from a very poor background so it was almost expected for him to act as a servant when Eddy came back from Europe. 

Eddy promised his friend to bring him to Europe. He knew Ndozie was desperate to save himself from poverty. He was the only member of his family living in town which indicates the level of suffering the rest of his peers were experiencing in the village.

After promising his friend the Moon and the sky, he proceeded to disregard him and never even cared for him, he left the country without telling him and sent him a letter via a girlfriend's brother (i know It's long right?); asking him to go to his mom's house to clean his car every week. 

Ndozie was left in the dust and chased out of the compound after being the maid, driver,Butler and "boy-boy". 

He then realized his dear friend Eddy never intended to bring him anywhere he was just using him!

How didn't he forsee it? What happened to gratitude ? Friendship? What was all this about? 

After all, he had told him his plans, he knew he was his only way out of poverty, he knew his passport had expired and he didn't even know how to apply for a visa, he knew they had to go back together. 

Harsh was his reality when Eddy's mom used a huge stone to chase him out of his house after calling him all sorts of slurs.

That combined to the car thing... Was the last struck for him. 

Life was hard but unpredictable....

....

2 years later, Eddy and Emecka came back to Lagos and started searching for Ndozie to do what he knew best.. Be the maid...

They went back to his old room and the new tenant told them that Ndozie was not living there anymore but that he will let him know that they were looking for him.

Huge was their surprise when a flamboyant Ndozie appeared near Eddy's gate, all dripped down, looking flawless!

What had happened ? 

Well, spoiler alert.. They ruined their life to answer the last question ! 

They decided to go down the forest in their quest to find the origin of Ndozie's fortune. 

In one of the most inconic scene ever made on TV, Ndozie enticed that greed by showing up and out at Emecka's wedding and responding to their request concerning how he turned his life around by a *Happen Dey Nothing*.🤷🏾‍♀️

It was enough. 

The pair then met Toche who also heard rumors about a supposed pact made by Ndozie with Alla Nwgna'assaba, a witch with big boobs that produced "wealth milk". 

Life was not that bad but could definetly be better. 

...

I rewatched that movie yesterday and 27 years-old me peeped something that i had to have experienced to notice. 

The real reason Eddy and Emecka were mad was not because they wanted money so bad, but because Ndozie had it. 

Yes... Because why him? WHY HIM??

Eddy especially who was his main friend couldn't phantom the idea of someone he considered *lesser* than him have more of what was the most valuable item in his eyes.... Money!

...

Jerry Amilo nailed that role ! 

The pipeline from friends to ennemies gave me life! But anyways...

Everything was perfectly executed here and i still live for it but let's go back to this lesson.. I'm not going to bore you to death with lessons like don't be jealous ,mind your business and be happy for others... I will leave that to 2008 me. Tonight It's about more calculated details , right?

I'm here to remind you that some people's animosity towards you has EVERYTHING to do with your position in their minds. You are less than, so why do you deserve it ? Why you? 

The one example of non-fictional version of this story can be Meghan Markle. 

One of the reason this woman is so hated is because white-women can't stand her ! 

The amount of videos on this woman is astonishing and they can't give you a real reason on why they despise her so much, she was never enough to be one of them ; let alone marry a prince ? You got to be kidding ! 

The reason is... She crossed the red line on an unmarked territory. 

For her it may be race, for Ndozie social class/status , for some sex and for others religion or lack off. 

We are at least the Ndozie or the Meghan Markle of our instances in life, at least once. 

...

27 years-old me would end this article by reminding you that everything in this society is made-up and the only ones you should conform to are the ones you benefit from; not some twisted hierarchy built by a friend living abroad, not a bored british woman, not an unqualified boss,or an unteachable parent... Nobody! 

17 years after, there is no continuation to this movie but i think Ndozie was right... 

HAPPEN DEY NOTHING !

X.o.X.o

The French Socialite 🌸

SEE YOU YESTERDAY

As a kid i remember enjoying time travel. 

Yes, i am a time traveler at heart. 

I used to draw and redraw my time traveling machine and dream about the design. 

I finally stopped on the iconic London phone booth, but a green one. 

A Lorne green one 💚.

I still don't know how the will to change timelines chimed in but, it was dear to my little hearth. 

I spent all the hours before the arrival of my private teacher writing about everything. 

The little details, the pieces, and all the process of leaving one timeline for the other.

I was sure taking a candid look at movies and TV shows that were touching the subject. 

Everything was not perfectly crafted ; mind you i didn't know how to design the interior of the machines, so i left it to time. 

Those were adult stuff. 

I would go to school and learn about it later, everything will be alright....

Few days ago, i had a gut wrenching nightmare about my little brother. 

The feeling of pain was unbearable and the tears are still pouring down my cheeks as i am writing. 

I called him and he confirmed that the fall that took his life in the dream manifested itself in real life. 

That morning, as i was at short of data, i had to call him hours later. 

In the mean time, he almost fell and that drop, my dear, would have been his last.

As i proceeded to wipe the painful memories out of my mind, i started talking to my cousin about that overwhelming and persistant experience.

Then, i realized there was a show about it.

In 2019, Spike Lee releases a TV show called "See You Yesterday". 

The title in itself is intriguing right ?

The show has been cancelled since then ; but, it was about 2 teenagers : C.J and Sebastian. 

C.J who is very close to her brother loses the late in a senseless altercation with the police and she decides with her friends help to create a time travel machine to go back to that exact moment. 

Like in many other movies, the rule is they can't meet themselves in the past. 

So, they have to tiptoe constantly , track their past itinaries, in hope of saving CJ's brother. 

They then face major issues. They either don't get there on time or get there just one time but have to go back quickly.

After several attempts, the succeed to get on the scene right on time to hear the bullet being shit, and reliving the traumatic scene time and time again. 

One day, they become successful, but, the problem is... The universe seem to absolutely need a soul because Sebastian is the one being killed that time and CJ can save her brother. 

The brother now gas to go back with his sibling to bring CJ back... They have definetly cause wayyy more harm than what they could have imagined. 

The show may have been suspended but the question remains !

Can we change the course of destiny?

How many times have we wished something could have been a little bit different?

How many of us have people we wish we could've saved?

Sometimes, just for an hour, we won't be greedy; we won't ask much, will we?

It sometimes freezes cruelty to tell someone their love one passing was "part of a plan".

But how about the times we were able to prevent a catastrophy, a brother from falling to his death, a friend's relative from being murdered?

Oh dear, i wish i had the answers to my own interrogations. 

But for now, let's live in the future and dodge the bullets in the present.

See you yesterday darling.

X.oX.o

The French Socialite 🌸

WATCH YOUR MOUTH!

When i was a kid watching the National Geographic Channel with my aunt, she used to talk about white people and their over complementing behaviour. 

I didn't get it till few days ago. 

My first dream job was *archeologist*; no wonder i turned to forensics once entering Law school. 

Archeologist on NatGeo used to overdo it i won't lie ! 🤣

Old raggedy anciens debris will be "beautiful treasures", sandy abandonned towns will become "the best places on earth", the most despicable human being become these "amazing characters".

And the list of exaggerations goes on and on. 

The more i grew up, the more i realized that my culture as a black african woman was NOT the mainstream one. 

Being cameroonian and having a huge exposure to western cultures, the young me in my catholic canadian high school knew i need to do something, at least find the truth somewhere....

What is then important ? Beautiful ? Who defines that?

Back to tiktok.

Months ago, when i started scooping my long left music note app, i discovered a conversation enticed by the stitch named "what is considered trashy if you are poor and tacky if you are rich?"

From trifting, dumpster-diving, raisons kids who aren't yours, having a lot of kids, doing drugs, the nomadic lifestyle, marrying your cousin. 

As a kid, coming to Europe constantly, i always wondered why did most western food tastes so blank?

Then i realized something. 

Back in the days, the crown used to season their food. Spices were considered a delicacy reserved for the rich. Then, when they discovered that they were being emulated by poor people, they reverted back to unseasoned food. Spices were no longer in, the market was over saturated. 

Now, since they had the "best pick of food", they "didn't have to cover the taste".🤭

If you have been on the internet these days i'm sure you are very familiar to the "old money aesthetic".

The style comes from european wealthy families. 

If you have been travelling to Europe often, you will see the ostentatious nature of ancient europeans. 

From art to castels, we can all agree on the omnipresence of colors in those areas. Because colors were signe of luxury they used to be the way for rich people to show off; but as soon as poor people decided to join the dance, being classy was suddenly about "discretion".

An African woman ties her baby on her back she's all sort of rural, ghetto and poor... A white suburbian woman does the same, she's ingenious !!!

Black people eat fufu with hands, it's disgusting ; but isn't pizza eaten with bare hands?

I guess you see the pattern...

As i'm entering my 27 year, i can finally say i cracked the code !!! Her it is....

Baby, do what you want to do!

My economics teacher would be so proud of me for remembering this. 

The Maslow pyramide has at it's top *Esteem* and *Self-actualization*

Our unsatiable will for validation and approval manifests it's way differently depending on who we are and where we come from. 

For people with more money the validation comes in the form of feeling superior to the poor, for the latest, it's the need to feel less poor by emulating the rich.

An eternal loophole.

So, be aware of what you say about yourself, the conversation you have concerning your hobbies, the way you describe your family issues, the attributes you share about your culture ; because, growing up is realizing that NOTHING is real, good or bad it depends on the angle !

If the same action is described differently depending on who commits it, the problem is not the action ,the problem is the perceived value of the person in society. 

And i bet you most are not ready for this conversation.

So today i commend you to ENDLESSLY romanticize your life, exaggerate your passions, don't wait for any privilege to live speak highly of yourself ,don't let anybody lowball you. 

And above all, 

WATCH YOUR MOUTH !

X.o.X.o

The French Socialite 🌸

BIRTHDAY

 Hello, how was your sunday people ?

I just came back from a friendly barbecue and i was reminded of an article i had in my drawers.

For all the Angel fans out there, i know you remember this one. 

The 11th episode of the 3rd Season of Angel caught my attention.

Cordelia during one of her painful visions falls into a coma so deep that it could litteraly be compared to death. 

It's during that coma that she meets Skip.

Skip is a demon, not the scary type.. or maybe a tiny bit... But he's a guide... A funny one. 

After introducing himself he tells Cordelia that she has the choice either to get rid of these visions that could potentially kill her in the future or become a semi-demon to keep it.

Let's now put things into context. 

Years ago, way before Wolfram & Hart, there was Buffy and Sunnydale.

After her troublesome graduation, Cordelia whose dream was to become a famous actress, decides to go to Los Angeles to further her chances. 

At the same time to cope with his separation, Angel goes to Los Angeles to fight against dark forces where he would bump into Cordelia. From there everything will escalate and create the powerful being that exists today.

Back to Cordy and Skip. 

Skip shows to Cordelia the day of her meeting with Angel and asked her if she wanted to change the past by going back into the past and not allowing her to bump into Angel that day to which she replied positively. 

She then became a star, very well-knowned and loved. 

Very far away from her crazy lifestyle until one day she was called to a mysterious place where she met Gunn and Wesley. 

Her former companions were not doing so well. Gunn had never met her , Wesley had lost an arm an Angel... Well Angel... B

Angel became crazy.

After seeing the trajectory of her friends lives After her choice, she asked Skip to send her back. 

This episode made me think of a conversation i had with my dad. 

I was frustrated and angry about my slow progression, things stumping my growth and all the bordersome obstacles in my life. 

My dad told me something that strucked me like lightning. 

He said : " You are EXACTLY were you are supposed to be despite all your plans". 

In the TV show, Cordelia thought that going back to that exact moment, that millisecond were she should have turned her back to Angel it would have affected the trajectory of her life. Chances are it would've made her current reality worse or maybe not....🤷🏾‍♀️

But the way things unfolded made her realize that the imperfections were still part of the plan.

To think that the redirections, betrayals, disappointments, obstacles may not be hindering our growth but just life unfolding is mind-bugging.

What if the real misery was at the end of the straight line we so perfectly crafted ? 

Nobody knows, 

And unfortunately, none of us has a Skip. 

X.o.X.o

The French Socialite.🌸

"Don't suffer imagined troubles"_ Seneca

 Oh mann... Depression is sometimes getting Worser Indeed.